Yesterday shook me.
I woke up with an awful headache but still managed to get out of bed to go to my Capstone Development class. What's this? Well, as I'm quickly approaching my senior year in college, I am starting to develop my senior film aka "capstone". While throughout the first part of the semester, I wasn't enjoying it, it's actually picked up for me which I assume has to do with the fact that we finally get to zero in on the single project that we want to work on for the next year.
This is both pants-shittingly scary and nipple-hardening exciting.
Anyway, I was late to my carpool but on the way down I found a $20 bill on the sidewalk. I was so glad I had gotten out of bed.
After that, I got on my typical high horse about the universe and how it's constantly looking out for me but it wasn't long before I felt the weight of our solar system...
After weeks and weeks of talk, sort of breaking up and sort of getting back together, my girlfriend of over 2 years, and I decided that the best thing for us was to end it.
We met on Tumblr. If you don't know what Tumblr is, there's no way for you to truly appreciate meme culture. We clicked because of the similarity in our feeds. I honestly can't remember who messaged who first but we ended up in each others inbox day in and out.
If you've ever met someone on Tumblr, whether as a friend or you were attracted to them, it's typical that you talk all day for like 3 days straight and then never talk to each other again, that was just how it was. That didn't happen with us. We kept talking week after week after week. The conversations got deeper. We started calling and face timing, the nerves subsided.
I went off to college and we continued talking. Five months passed and I was coming home to visit my family for Winter break. We decided that it was time for us to meet, and so we did.
A three hour journey from where my family lived at the time, I woke up extremely early and headed to the train station. The nerves of finally meeting her and the constant switching of trains kept me awake.
When I finally got to Reading Station, I saw her. She was a lot taller than I had imagined... A lot more beautiful than on Face-time.
We went to a coffee shop.. We agreed that we were both happy that neither of us ended up being a 65-year old man.
After that we went to a movie where we sat through the advertisements. Newly nervous now that we had met each other.
Something I'd been wanting to do since I had first came face to face with her...
I asked her "Can I kiss you now?" and I swear before she even said "Yes." My lips were pressed against hers...
The rest of the day out was a blur...
The day that I finally got to meet her was one of the best days of my life and I can, with equal confidence, say that the day we let each other go was one of the worst.
We decided our anniversary day was July 4th even though we didn't start officially dating until well after that day. If we'd only counted the time we spent together we'd only dated for about 3 or 4 months.
How do you do it?
The easy answer was we love each other.
The hard answer was it's a challenge. Sometimes we don't even get to talk because we both have lives and it hurts but that's okay. It's about compromise of time, of energy. Sometimes choosing not to go out just because we want to hear each other's voice. Sometimes being happiest just hearing her snore while she sleeps. Watching her do homework on Face-time. Calling for two minutes because that's all the time we had. It was love. It still is love...
It's hard. Long distance is hard. Saying goodbye to someone you gave so much time to, is hard.
Those twice a day calls seem so far away now.
But I've gotta figure out something else to do with my 24 hours.
Each day we get on average 23 hours, 53 minutes, and 4 seconds to make it something we're proud of.