I've always been the kind of person who knew everyone but only consistently spent time with a select few people.
In elementary school I had two best friends.
In middle school I had one.
In high school I had four.
Since I've come to college, though, I haven't been able to really click with anyone and feel that ability to be dependent on someone else.
Something that I truly believe and stand strong to is that I shouldn't depend on other people for my happiness but truth is that we do. We all exist in relation to each other so even if we don't want to or are opposed to it, we make choices based off of what and who we see around us.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Have you noticed how the instant there's something wrong with you, the very first thing someone says is "is there anyone you can talk to?"
The short answer is no.
The long answer is yes, I could talk to a few people but I know that I'm going to reach a sea of "it'll be okay"s, and pile of "that sucks"s, and another few loads of "it'll get better." and while I'm sure that's really all someone can offer me, there's something more that I, and I'm sure other people, need.
1. If you're not a close friend of mine, do not pester me with "what's wrong".
The instant you ask me that, I'm going to burst into tears and further shut down because I won't be able to talk at that point without screaming. You've not only activated my emotions, you've also put me in an embarrassing state (most likely in public) and now I'm not only upset about whatever I'm going through, I'm also angry at you for essentially making me cry. If you ask me "what's wrong?" and I say any variation of "I'm fine." or "Nothing." please please please leave it at that.
2. If you ask me "what's wrong" and you are a close friend or family of mine please know that if I say "Nothing." or "I'm fine." it's probably for a good reason.
Maybe we're in public. Maybe someone else is there who i would rather not talk to about or have them hear. Maybe it's for another reason and you should try asking me in private.
3. We've reached privacy and you hit me with a "What's up?" or "Are you okay?".
Scenario #1: I break down in tears.
The most awkward thing for you to do in this situation is sit there and watch me cry. Please hug me, that way I know you're open to listening/comforting me through whatever it is I'm going through.
Scenario #2: I say nothing again.
Please don't pester me. Maybe I've just reached a point where I'm okay and I'm trying not to revisit some emotions at that very moment.
Scenario #3: I tell you everything that's going on objectively.
Don't try to make me feel anything because trust me I'm feeling it and it's taking everything in me not to break down. Let me tell you the way I want to tell you. Ask questions so I know I'm not boring you with my situation.
4. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone likes their horns being tooted all the time.
If you really think I'm being dramatic about something let me know, BUT not in the heat of the moment when I'm feeling every emotion possible. Maybe approach me about the situation later, ask me how I'm feeling and if anythings changed because I'm typically about to come to my senses on my own but if I haven't feel free to play devils advocate.
5. Don't DON'T don't give me advice on how to handle the situation.
That's really the last thing that I want. Let me cry and scream and be upset. Allow me to feel my emotions in their natural state. Allow me to be inactive for a day, a couple of weeks, a month... Let me go through my natural course of emotions unless I specifically ask you, WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO?
Due to my recent consistency of issues, I just wanted to let people know how NOT to approach me since a lot of these red flags have been raised already.
I apologize if you're someone who I'm not very close with and you would really like to be there for me but it's not you, it's me, really.
Last, but not least, to those of you who are going through something, don't be scared to share. Something that I fail to realize a lot is how many people actually do want to be there for me who are close to me, they just don't know.
Don't be scared to reach out for help especially when things are getting particularly heavy and if all else fails, I'm here for you 24 hours a day.
Each day we get on average 23 hours, 53 minutes, and 4 seconds to make it something we're proud of.